[HOOK HEADLINES — yellow_background]
Toggle: 1. Drunk man spots cop — makes eye contact — unicycles away at 45 mph 2. Kitsap County Sheriff forced to clarify: yes, unicycle DUI is illegal 3. The unicycle lost. The ravine won. The man was found on foot.
[HOOK & INTRODUCTION — yellow_background]
Fellas.
Stay with me on this one.
It is 12:30 in the morning.
Port Orchard, Washington.
A sheriff's deputy is on patrol on Bethel Road.
And he sees a 34-year-old man riding an electric unicycle down the middle of the road.
Not on the sidewalk.
Not in a bike lane.
Down. The. Middle. Of the road.
Erratically.
The deputy flashes his lights.
The man STOPS.
Turns around.
Looks the deputy DEAD IN THE EYE.
And then unicycles off into the night.
At 45 miles per hour.
I want you to sit with that image for a second.
A grown adult. On one wheel. Drunk. Staring down a cop car.
And CHOOSING to run.
On a unicycle.
At 45 miles per hour.
That is CINEMA.
According to KOMO News, the Kitsap County Sheriff's Office confirmed this actually happened — and body cam footage exists.
[WHY IT MATTERS — yellow_background]
Here is the thing that breaks me.
He almost got away.
Thirty minutes.
For thirty full minutes, this man outran law enforcement.
On ONE WHEEL.
Deputies eventually found him — on foot — thirty minutes later.
No unicycle.
Because the unicycle was in a RAVINE.
Not him. Just the unicycle.
The man walked away from a 45-mph electric unicycle crash, abandoned the evidence in a ditch, and was just standing there.
His blood alcohol level was almost TWICE the legal limit.
He was not flying on adrenaline.
He was flying on whatever he drank before deciding this was a good night to ride a one-wheeled vehicle at highway speeds.
And the Kitsap County Sheriff's Office — bless them — had to issue an OFFICIAL PUBLIC STATEMENT clarifying that, and I am quoting directly here:
"Riding an electric unicycle while intoxicated on the street is a criminal offense."
A sentence no government agency expected to have to write. Ever. In any century.
[5 CONVERSATION STARTERS — yellow_background]
Five facts to drop in any conversation today.
Number one: Electric unicycles can hit nearly 45 mph — faster than most neighborhood speed limits. According to KOMO News, that is exactly how fast this man was moving when he vanished into the night.
Number two: In most U.S. states, an electric unicycle is a motor vehicle for DUI purposes. Motor plus public road equals same rules as a car. The Kitsap County Sheriff's Office confirmed this in their official statement.
Number three: Twice the legal limit in Washington is 0.16 BAC or higher. According to the CDC, at that level most people have significant loss of motor control and difficulty walking. This man was balancing on one wheel.
Number four: Body cam footage of this exists. A deputy filmed him weaving down Bethel Road before he turned, locked eyes, and bolted. Real talk — I need someone to find this clip.
Number five: The unicycle was recovered from the ravine. Which means somewhere in the Pacific Northwest there is a ravine-tested, police-chase-proven electric unicycle with a better story than most people.
[CONTEXT & KEY INSIGHTS — yellow_background]
Let me give you the full picture here.
Electric unicycles are having a moment.
They are quiet, fast, and legal in most places — at least until you do something like THIS.
The technology is genuinely impressive. We are talking about self-balancing motors, gyroscopic sensors, and lithium battery packs that can sustain 40-plus mph for miles.
This is real technology. Used by commuters. Used by enthusiasts.
And now, used as a getaway vehicle by a 34-year-old man in Kitsap County who looked at a deputy and made a decision.
Here is what I find fascinating beyond the absurdity.
The man's instinct — drunk, on a unicycle, outnumbered — was to trust the machine.
He did not run on foot. He did not hide.
He committed to the bit.
He looked a cop in the face and said — with his entire body — not today.
And for thirty minutes? It WORKED.
He evaded law enforcement. On one wheel. While intoxicated.
The only thing that stopped him was physics.
Specifically, a ravine.
The ravine did what the sheriff's deputy could not.
And the man, apparently uninjured, just walked away from the wreck and stood there until deputies caught up.
That is the detail I keep coming back to.
He walked AWAY from a 45-mph crash. Twice the legal limit. On foot.
The man is either incredibly lucky or incredibly durable.
Either way — do not try this at home, fellas.
[PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY — yellow_background]
Here is your actual takeaway for today.
And I am being serious for one second.
The laws around electric vehicles — unicycles, scooters, e-bikes — are catching up to the technology FAST.
If it has a motor and you are on a public road, assume DUI laws apply.
That is true in Washington. That is true in most of the country.
If you are riding anything with a motor after drinking, you are taking a real legal risk — not just a funny story risk.
The Kitsap County Sheriff's Office had to say it out loud. Now you have heard it too.
Beyond the legal stuff — this is also a story about COMMITMENT.
This man committed FULLY to his exit strategy.
Whatever you are working on today — bring that same energy.
Minus the alcohol. Minus the unicycle. Minus the ravine.
Just the commitment.
[AUDIENCE REFLECTION — yellow_background]
Honest question for today:
When have YOU been so committed to a bad decision that you just went with it?
You saw the warning signs. The lights were flashing.
And you looked back, made eye contact with the consequences, and rode off anyway.
Sometimes the worst decisions make the best stories.
But the ravine always comes.
[COMMUNITY ENGAGEMENT — yellow_background]
Drop in the comments:
What is the most unhinged getaway vehicle you have ever heard of?
Or — what is the most committed you have ever been to a decision you KNEW was wrong in the moment?
I want to hear it.
And if someone finds that body cam footage — share it in the comments immediately.
Hit that like, share this with someone who needs to start their day right, and subscribe so you never miss real talk and entertaining conversations like this.
[EMPOWERING CLOSE — yellow_background]
Fellas.
A drunk man on one wheel evaded law enforcement for thirty minutes — then walked away from the crash.
Humans are capable of extraordinary things, even in the most absurd circumstances.
Channel that energy today.
Commit to the bit. Trust the machine. Stay out of ravines.
Good morning. Let's have the best Friday of 2026. — BAPL